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  2. Useless Marketing Jargon

    ‘Premium’ is the least useful adjective when describing a product as it imparts exactly zero knowledge. Given that it means fuckall, you can safely replace the word with ‘fuckall’ in almost every instance of its use.

  5. Shorth is Better Than Length

    So the writer who breeds
    more words than he needs
    is making a chore
    for the reader who reads.

    — Dr. Seuss

  6. Ambition of Pens

    Every pen has the potential to write the next great story. There are times I wonder if mine find me disappointing.

  7. Feline Affection

    Is my cat trying to show affection, or is she just really bad at smothering?

  8. Client Haiku

    From experience,
    doing what the client asks
    is a bad idea.

  9. Pet Happiness

    I'm never certain whether my dog is truly happy to see me, or whether he's just relieved to no longer be alone with the cat.

  10. Scriptless Dynamic SVG

    an SVG clock that changes the time shown depending on its document fragment

    Last Saturday I was messing around with SVG creating a clock to use to show simple timestamps. I'm not much of an artist so I kept things simple, with a circle and two lines for the arms. I thought it'd be really neat if I could use the same SVG image to show any time. Rotating the arms was easy enough via JS, a little bit of code and everything worked just fine.

    I then decided that I'd like to be able to use the SVG image from an <img> tag. SVG isn't allowed to execute scripts when viewed in HTML image tags due to security restrictions. This meant that I couldn't just rotate the arms from JS anymore. I considered setting up a server side script to generate the appropriate clock from query string parameters, but that would be far too easy, and not particularly impressive. Also, the script wouldn't be very portable. I wanted something that I could drop in elsewhere, without needing to rely on a particular server being up.